Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in bellas_thoughts' LiveJournal:

Sunday, October 3rd, 2004
9:29 pm	So far from Home, So Much to Do Dear Diary, Here I am still in Iowa, thinking and dreaming of being at Home with Richard and Avani.I can't believe I ever left Richards side, I miss him terribly. His parting words to me were that his heart would be in his mouth until I returned to his side.I have lied to so many people. I have to get to confession before my Final Night.. and I must make it Home. What was I thinking by leaving Richards Side? I know I have a duty to do, Prince Knight has yet to see me. I wait and wait for words from him about Matthew. Tonio thinks that my memory has been tampered with, for I told him I had no recollection of the wedding, which is a lie on my part. Tonio thinks that Richard used strong mental powers against me, to sway me when in truth he had only to tell me of his feelings, no thoughts. Joy of Joys though. Alexandra Risan is alive and well. I thought her long dead, and mourned her loss. Another one has returned to us as well. My Sister Consuala Sanchez. I am glad she walks again. Unbeknownst to Antonio, I have buried Matthew's remains in a secret place, somewhere where he can lay his head at long last in peace that eluded him for so long. His own Sire watched Reggie take his life. I couldn't imagine how hard it was for Regg to have dealt that blow, to one of his line. I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain he is in. My head is so full. I have spoken with Angus, Beloved Hammer Dunsirn. I am so proud to be related to Angus, and Moira. I miss her terribly. Kyle has yet to learn of my marriage to Richard, so many are just learning about our nuptials. Mi Papa is glad that Richard solved his problem of how to handle me. So like Papa.. to claim delegation instead of truth. I am Lady AnnaBella Dunsirn, Dona of Huntly and of Richards Heart. I miss Lori so much. This all seems pointless without her here to rejoice with me. She is still with Zio Jimmy. Zio Jimmy!! He will be furious to find out what his niece has been up to. I hope he will at least be somewhat happy for me I pray for him each night as I lay myself to rest, for I cannot truly sleep without Richard. Current Mood: homesick Current Music: ~ Celtic Fiddle~ Enya (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 16th, 2004
9:17 am	Antonio Machiavelli Antonio Machiavelli. two little words that make me cringe. He is everywhere I look. He likes to taunt me, though I don't know why. I was looking through my address book for my sister, and found some letters from Luigi that mention Antonio, though I often call him Don Antonio. He has to be the most evil man I think I know besides mi Papa. I can't help but shudder to think of him makes my skin crawl.You want to know the irony of this.. at one time I called him Papa. Of course this was before I learned my Papa walked. Dear Lord, If Don Joseph ever heard that he would without a doubt do worse than skin me alive like he did when Ace refused to sign the agreement. that was a long time ago, but Papa refused to let me heal.. and it was painful. Very Painful. Like Antonio Machiavelli is painful. He has .. so many irons in the fire.. what on earth did I do to garner his attention ? All I need to talk to him about is how to be more like Keres or Aiden.They both say to talk to him, but how on earth can I ? He terrifies me in a way that no man before can or has. Except Papa, and even with Papa it depends on who he is on a given day. Antonio is evil all the time. Well ok , maybe not all the time. I have been his houseguest when he was married to Izzy, before he killed her. at least I think it was him that killed her, I can't help but wonder who really did take her from me. I am glad Fernando is dead.. were he not, I would have to kill him for what he put me through when he took my memories from me. He is responsible for me losing touch with someone so dear and wonderful to me, and now she has met final death and I can't talk to her. When I fed from Papa, the strength of his blood, he unbound what Fernando tried to hide. I know what he did to me, to take Antonios' good memories from me.But I don't know why he did what he did, it makes no sense. It isn't like I am bonded to Don Antonio GAH! I cant' stand writing his name even. His name reminds me of my Tonio.. and I can't even touch on what has happened to him . Have I turned into a Monster like Antonio Machiavelli ? I hope not Current Mood: Scared Current Music: Clannad~ I will find you (Comment on this)
Friday, September 3rd, 2004
8:56 am	Do I Have To ? Dear Diary, Here I sit, another wonderful night with Richard has passed and I find myself wondering about Machiavelli. It seems that Keres has some sort of ties to him . Exactly what those ties are I have no idea. I must confess that Antonio both intrigues me and somehow he scares me more than anyone can understand. I first met Antonio in the Loggia.That first meeting was so unforgettable. All I did was offer to take his cloak, and get him something from the Bar, to take the cold wet chill away. I am sure that we spent more than just a few night speaking about mostly trivial things. I came to see him as someone who didn't revel in his Title, since when I met him he was Bruglione of England,Ireland,Scotland, Austrailia and Africa. It seems to me that was when someone other than Papa was the Head of my Family. If memory serves , I had no Papa. I do know that Bobby was most angered that I was speaking to Antonio. So many things have happened since.. That fateful night so long ago. I remember guesting at his Estate with his wonderfully kind wife Elizabeth and my Betrothed Don Luigi Montague Giovanni, Capo di Capo. So many wonderful nights of long discussions, the shopping trips with Izzy, the romantic things that Luigi said and did for me, I truly couldn't ask for anything more. It was then that I realized that Antonios power reached across even the Atlantic Ocean. I am thoroughly convinced that somehow and I don't know how he did it, but somehow I wound up being Dona.I thought I got promoted because I was able and willing to do work with the Prince of the City. I definitely recall Antonio telling me that He made that happen, that there was more going on for me than I even realized. What I did to turn such a powerful mans' head is beyond me. I was just showing him simple kindness and somehow someway I have had Antonios attention for sometime. I do recall at one point in time, wondering if he was attracted to me or not. Shortly, after Izzy and I talked, and she was the lucky one who married him. Now it seems my path is to cross Antonios yet again, because he has the knowledge that I seek to get my answers for. Somehow I just can't bring myself to talk to him. There's a dark evil air about him and I know deep in my heart, he isn't like. That is what he wishes others to think of him, because then that way he doesn't have to deal with them. Keres even asked of my affilation with Machiavelli and I can't call him that. He was Don Antonio for so long to me and even closer than that as I used to call him Papa, something that would anger Joseph to no end in this time, but at that time I had no Papa. *sigh* Diary, I have no idea what to do with Antonio, and my fear of him. I wish I even knew why I .. get so .. Scared around him. I think it dates back to when he was in control, yet .... Richard promises to keep Antonio away from me, yet I have to speak to him.Even by email.. I fear his response. I have to get the answers I need, but at a cost I fear to pay. Richard and I must speak on this matter soon, before I go mad. More later.. Diary.. The Dawn comes quickly and I must find Richard. Current Mood: scared Current Music: Oceano - Josh Groban (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 28th, 2004
7:50 pm	The Home Coming Scene   Thwap Thwap Thwap The helicopter blades whirled around, trying find the landing pad safely. The pilot lets the passenger know that they have indeed reached their destination A single passenger still aboard the chopper ,checks her still flawless make up in a compact mirror one last time, a lone platinum band of diamonds flashes from her left hand. She rises, a vision in an emerald green silk gown, the gold rose pendant hangs close the the hollow of her throat, a cloud of auburn hair simply brushed yet somehow held in place, despite the last vestiges of the whirlwind from the blades of copter. She anxiously makes her way to the door, murmuring her thanks to the crew for their safe landing. She steps forward, taking the rail in her hand. The sight before her eyes, is indeed one of storybook porportions.Before her eyes lies the buildings and the Manor that is her Home, but more importantly, before her the missing part of her heart stands, his arms outstretched as if reaching for her. Deliberately slow, she takes each step as if she is walking over shards of glass, so happy to be Home, but taking each step savoring it because she can. A slow smile starts to spread across her face as it dawns on the one who waits for her with outstretched arms that she is walking slowly on purpose, her stride resembling the one she walked down the aisle that warm August night, when she stood at the altar, knelt and said her eternal vow of love, faith and honor to you. Suddenly, in the space of one breath, she is in your arms, caressing your face as tears of joy slide down her face, murmuring the words you have longed to hear her say, " Darling I am home and I'll never leave your side again" Soft little kisses, and whispered promises are tenderly said and placed on your face. Another tender squeeze from her arms which are still wrapped around your body, assures you she is really there with you in this timeless moment. She holds you close, her head resting on your strong shoulders, her head nuzzles your neck, as if making sure you are real entwined together in the moonlight. She steps back, taking yet another deep breath, the clean Highland air fills her unused lungs once more. The vision looks to you, her fingers entwine with yours, the same smiles warms her face yet again as she utters those wonderful words you have waited these three long nights to hear, "Darling, Let's go Home." She wraps her arm around yours, the sparkling band that tells the world she is yours,glistens in the moonlight. The fact that she is here means so much to you. She stands, patiently waiting while you have the staff sort out her belongings, and yet another smile graces her features as you begin the short walk to the Manor. As you two approach the House, you can hear her take a soft breath and under that breath you can hear her say a single word, " Home". Four little letters that together make so many things to each person. But somehow, you just know instinctively that she means this is Her Home, and that she will never leave or tire of being there. So many things belong together in this realm and in other realms. Just as there is always rain for the flowers in the spring, a pepper for every salt shaker, a silver lining for every cloud, you surely know that she is the right one for you, that her love for you transcends time itself. Time holds no place for either of you, but the love she gives you is enough to be the bed time story to come for someone else in another time. Current Mood: content Current Music: Clannad~ I will find you (2 Comments |Comment on this)
11:06 am	Happiness Is ... Dear Diary, I have cone it now and I don't care what anyone says. I have left Arizona and am on my Home. I wish I could begin describe the Joy and inner peace that are filling my soul right now. I just can't wait to actually hold my Beloved in my arms again,when I get him in my arms, I doubt I let him go agin. I have no idea what I was thinking even leaving him or Scotland in the first place. Though, returning home means that I may have to deal with Antonio Machiavelli, though I could write reams and reams about him, I won't do it now. He seems to drain everything good around him, and I don't know why. I know that Jimmy will be angered with my sudden departure, as will Preston. I just hope that they don't try to blame Richard, because Richard truly hasn't done anything to me, except love me and spoil me more if that is possible. Everyone thinks that my Beloved has tampered with my mind and my memories and they will believe what they wish to. I know, without a doubt, that it is true Love which has brought me to Scotland and it will be true love that keeps me there, not the stake that I requested. Yes, it was MY idea to remain staked in Scotland, but Richard was so good about taking the blame and all the hateful hurtful words that the Family spewed out about him. He took it all so gracefull and smiled the entire time, even though I begged him to tell the truth, he just said they already hate me Love, let them hate me even more. He just wouldn't listen to me. I just wish I could explain to Preston, but I think that I will leave that to another time, perhaps even another entry.The same thing goes for Tonio, and I really do feel badly about him as well.That in itself is yet another entry for another time. I even have this song stuck in my head. I have to write it or else I will certainly go mad! oh my bags are packed, I'm ready to go I'm standing here, outside my door I can't wait to leave and say goodbye... the sun is gone,its early morn the limos waitin,he's honkin the horn I'm so lonesome I could die So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane I don't know when I'll be back again Oh I can't wait to leave and go back where I belong! i'll try to write more when I am done unpacking at home. That sound so nice.. I am on my way.. Home again. Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 26th, 2004
1:22 pm	What has happened ? It seems as if everyone around me is as mad as I am.Our circle of friends is getting smaller by the night. Now I have news that my most cherished Sister is no more, but to make matters worse,I know the name of her Killer. one Julian Lucian Doverspike took her from me. I wish I wasn't so humane. I would like to take his soul in exchange for Nicki. Sonya tells me if I am like that.. that I am no better than he. I wish I could hurt him somehow.. I wish he was dead and Nicki was here with me that doesn't sound very nice.. I know. but I don't always have to be nice, even though they all expect me to be. If I get angry or upset they are used to it. Let me say, I want someone dead.. and I am no better than the one who took my Sister ? I just don't understand. maybe I am not supposed to I don't know (Comment on this)
8:39 am	Ramblings of a Mad Mad Woman Dear Diary- I must be mad, I have to be. Here I sit, in Arizona, thousands of miles away from .. Home. Why am I here? Hell, I don't even know. Well, that isn't true. I am here to help my cherished Sorella and to return my Brother to his Father. I am so homesick and so afraid. I know I am not supposed to be this afraid of anything, but I am terrified. What if they erase my memories? They have done this before. I wish Liz was here, she would know what to do.She listened to me with the greatest of Patience, and how do I repay her? I must be mad. It was a simple kiss that will be my undoing, just as it was a simple trip to Scotland that they will take from me. Why do I always lose? In some form or another, I have been chosen as the one to lose. My Godsons are a constant reminder of my own empty arms. I long to have a Childe to rear, to love, but that is not to be. how much more can one woman take? I finally found someone who truly loves me, and I mean truly loves me... and now I stand on the brink of losing him against my will. I knew the Family hated him.. I knew it when I ran to him because.. Marshall came looking for me.. I know that he isn't what everyone thinks he is too. Richard is the most kind and loving man I have ever been with. We talk late into the night, about anything or everything. He has consumed my thoughts, my dreams, he is everywhere I wish to be. Yet, here I sit in my new almost empty house in Arizona, writing in my diary, while he is half a world away from me. Just like Liz is. She wasn't of my Family true enough but she was like a sister to me. Her wedding was the reason I met Jack, who incidentally is mad at me for getting married and he wasn't even invited. I didn't even know it seemed like a dream to me, until I woke up and had this beautiful family heirloom wedding set on my hand, and Richards head on the pillow beside me. I have dreamt before of marriage, and of who it would be to.. but I never did dream that I could ever have turned his head. I wish I had more courage to defy the family and just be happy for once. Like that will ever happen. I am .. weak, in more ways than one. I have yet to see my Lori. Our last meeting was ..scary. She has come to some harm .. and I wasn't here to protect her. What a lovely Sister I am, being selfish and thinking only of me.She has been my Rock of Gibraltar, through thick and thin.She has listened to me, rocked me when I cried, soothed my aching head.. and has been so good to me. She would be the one reason that would be sunlight to my darkened soul. Her and Richard of course. But I am not with him, at least Physically. Though, in my heart of hearts.. I have every reason to believe we are Married in the eyes of the Church. I will stand beside him, no matter the cost, no matter the payment. I took a vow, and in the eyes of God I am married wether the family hates him or not. I will inevitably answer to God and God alone can judge me. The rest of them .. can take a flying leap. Well, not all of them. Just the ones who hate Richard can. (Comment on this)